I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
