Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
