You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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