Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
