guys are not supposed to queef...right?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
