On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
