Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
