do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
