I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
