he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize