I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
