There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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