You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
