ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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