I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i think i just lost a toe
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
