I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
