if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
