the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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