i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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