Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
