After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
