Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
