ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize