Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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