that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize