I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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