when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
