I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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