My girlfriend figured out who you are.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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