Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
