tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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