PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
