I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He kissed a someone with a penis
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
