I heard we made out
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
