sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
