I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You smell like a Billy Joel song
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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