I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
