3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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