I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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