Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
