You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
