i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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