I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
