if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's just like the Real World with babies
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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