Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My vagina is very pro this idea
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
