how can u be prego again
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
