We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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