Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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