Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
