Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
