EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
