He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize