Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
