I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
