they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
