Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Girls should come with a carfax report
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
