My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize