Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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