I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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