When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
