oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
found the other keg... it's in the tree
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
try to milk me bitch
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