It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
