you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
