Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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