Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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