I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
